<h1 style="text-align: center;">Do Women Pursue Sex With Alphas For Commitment Or For The Sex?</h1>
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<p>We've all discussed the topic elsewhere: the current SMP in which women have complete sexual license to do what they wish, with whomever they wish, wherever and whenever they wish. So it's no real surprise that there are many women who use this to full advantage, sleeping with the highest status men. On some occasions, some women will have sex in the bar bathroom or within a few hours of first meeting the man.</p>
<p>The relationship takes on whatever form and parameters both participants want it to have; and its duration is only as long as both of them wish for it to last. The relationship parameters and duration can be altered, restricted or ended at the decision of one participant. Of course these STRs and LTRs may be interspersed with flings and one night stands.</p>
<p>Women prefer <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/12/17/the-beauty-of-being-alone/">serial monogamy</a> because it has the appearance and patina of a committed relationship with no formalities. Thus it satisifies the anti-slut defense. Such a relationship can be easily terminated at will by either participant because it lacks the rigidities of marriage and the penalties for termination. He's free to "cheat", she's free to look for a higher status man --- because neither of them are truly committed. Serial monogamy has thus been described as "slow motion promiscuity" and "slow motion sluthood." (Contrast this with men's preferred form of promiscuity, which is sexual variety with as many women as possible concurrently (not consecutively), and with as little investment and commitment as possible.)</p>
<h2>The Stated Female Dilemma And The Reality</h2>
<p>Many women often argue they always find themselves in a dilemma. It almost always is stated like this: "I'm really attracted to this guy. I want to sleep with him, but I want a relationship too. If I sleep with him I have no guarantees but at least I have a shot at a relationship. If I don't sleep with him now, I might lose him to a girl who will sleep with him, and then I have NO shot at a relationship. So I will have sex with him and hopefully he'll want to see me again and will offer commitment." This is what is stated, anyway.</p>
<p>But what is actually happening looks quite different. And I do not believe this is really what is going on.</p>
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<h2>What Is Actually Going On</h2>
<p>I posit that what is actually going on is that women employing this strategy are going for the sex with the <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/10/24/how-women-really-feel-about-male-dominance/">attractive men</a> first, without regard to whether a relationship or any hopes of one is in the cards. If a relationship comes out of it, great. But if it doesn't, she'll settle for the sex, for as long as she can get it (and some semblance of a relationship). Even if it's a one night stand, well, she can chalk it up to experience and a "good time".</p>
<p>I have several thoughts/observations that I believe support this view.</p>
<p><strong>1.</strong> There are no immediate consequences for sexual promiscuity. Unwanted pregnancy can be easily avoided with cheap, safe, widely available and effective birth control and abortion. STDs can be mostly avoided with condoms. Even if she contracts an STD, most can be cured outright. If it can't be cured, almost all of them (except HIV) can be effectively controlled and managed. Social stigma is a thing of the past in the current era of women delaying marriage for as long as possible. She has her own social and financial support systems, she handles her own birth control, and there's nothing stopping her, socially, culturally or otherwise. All this is a recipe for female sexual promiscuity.</p>
<p><strong>2.</strong> For women of even average sexual market value, sex and sexual activity with men of higher value is easily obtained in this SMP. In other words, the average HB 5 or HB 6 can get sex from a male 8 or 9 virtually on demand, any time, any place. Sex is usually ALL she can get, but at least she can get that. Simply put, if the average woman in Podunktown or BigCity wants sex, it's on tap whenever she wants it, and pretty much from whomever she wants it.</p>
<p><strong>3.</strong> Serial monogamy is widely accepted in our churches, schools, colleges, workplaces, and institutions. No one, not even her pastor, cares all that much if she's married or cohabiting, or having sex with her boyfriend. If mom and dad care about it, they seem resigned to the fact that there's nothing they can really do about it. (Even "good Christian girls" and divorced Christian women have largely adopted the dominant cultural mores of serial monogamy sexuality.) If it doesn't work out, she can move on to the next man with a minimum of logistical difficulty. There are no cultural or social stigmas which restrain her.</p>
<h2>Why She Never Extracts Commitment</h2>
<p><strong>4.</strong> Almost invariably, the strategy of "give up sex NOW for the chance at commitment" doesn't work to snag her the high value man for long term commitment. Stated another way, immediate sex is ineffective if the goal truly is extracting commitment in the form of LTR or marriage. Certainly there are exceptions, but by and large, it doesn't work. Yet, there are women who continue to follow the same formula: sleep with attractive man, get ONS or fling or STR for a few months, it doesn't work out and/or he moves on. And then she repeats the cycle over and over again, never learning from her mistakes, never trying something different.</p>
<p>Why is this so? Because in this SMP, sex with the attractive man is better than commitment from the not-so-attractive man. It's been pretty well established that a woman will be willing to have sex with hotter men despite their refusal to commit. Two reasons for this are: (a) Bragging rights and status, and the validation that goes with being sexually desired by high status men. Conversely, commitment from a lower status man is a more accurate measure of her ACTUAL value. This is demoralizing and doesn't carry nearly the same short term cachet that sex from higher status men has. (b) The potential for a higher genetic payoff. Attractive alpha men are more likely to impregnate her; and her offspring are more likely to be strong, healthy and attractive.</p>
<p><strong>5.</strong> If a woman truly wants marriage, she can get that any time she wants. Now, this is provocative, but I firmly believe this to be true. It might not be marriage to the absolute best guy; but she ought to be able to find a man who satisfies her needs, whether she is 18, 28 or 38. First, her primary commodity -- access to her sexuality -- is in high demand. This ultimately benefits HER, not HIM. The younger she is, the hotter she is. The hotter she is, the higher the demand, and the higher the price she can command. The higher the price, the more and better status and "goods" a man must bring to be able to "afford" her. The sooner she acts, the sooner she'll be able to make a better deal for herself by insisting on commitment from a high status man.</p>
<p>Second, most women are still getting married, albeit at older ages. The median age at first marriage for women is now about 26.5 years. This means women are able to get educations, jobs, and boyfriends (and practice serial monogamy) for an average of about 8 years before finally settling down. According to Loveawake's blog post post "More Grim News for Carousellers Hoping to Jump at the Last Minute", 80% of all women have been married by age 35-39; and 85% of all women have been married by age 40-44. The average woman walking down the aisle today is older, has more baggage, and has a higher N. Even with all this, she is STILL able to find a man willing to marry her pretty much when she wants.</p>
<p>What does this mean for today's woman? She believes marriage will be there for the taking when she wants it. And for the most part, she's absolutely correct (<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/308654/">the Kate Bolicks of the world notwithstanding)</a>. She might not be able to get married to the best guy; but she will be able to find SOMEONE willing to put a ring on it.</p>
<p>This also means marriage and the long term, difficult to escape commitment that accompanies it aren't really important to women when they're younger. If marriage really were foremost in their minds, they would leverage their youth and beauty to secure the highest value men; rather than wait until the tail end of their value, when they have the least to bargain with.</p>
<h2>Objections And The Truth They Deny</h2>
<p><strong>1.</strong> "That's a real dilemma in today's SMP. She's between a rock and a hard place. Her only option is to hook up and then try to leverage that hookup into a relationship."</p>
<p>No, it's not her only option; particularly when sex is her primary asset and what she has to bargain with. She can hold out for as much investment as possible and then weed out the players and cads by holding back on sexual access, leaving only those offering long term investment/commitment.</p>
<p><strong>2.</strong> "She really does expect to see him again and she believes that by giving him sex, she'll entice him into a relationship."</p>
<p>I'd be more inclined to believe this if it actually worked to secure a relationship or marriage more often than it does. This strategy doesn't work as a general rule. When a woman follows this same failed formula, she's not doing so to get a husband -- she's doing it for <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/09/the-problem-with-online-dating-too-many-options/">validation that comes with being sexually desired</a> or to follow the age-old evo-biological strategy of securing alpha sperm (even if it's not for pregnancy).</p>
<p><strong>3.</strong> "But the guys who approach me are the players and the guys who won't commit. I can't help it if the nice guys who will commit don't approach me."</p>
<p>There is some validity to this. It is true that this SMP has increased the searching costs for everyone. (Not to mention the fact that most commitment-minded men have learned from experience that advertising their commitment-mindedness is a tingle-killer, and approaching most women is an exercise in futility.) That having been said, the woman who gives it up to a player does so because she wants to, and for no other reason. If she knows those men won't give her commitment, she's got no one to blame but herself for going along.</p>
<p>If a woman really wants commitment, she'll have to bear some of the costs and risks of getting it. That includes broadening her attraction filters, increasing her future time orientation, showing clear sexual interest in men she's attracted to but who aren't approaching her; and expending the time in searching for (and encouraging) those commitment-minded men.</p>
<p>The only rational conclusion based on women's revealed preferences is that women moving rapidly to sexual involvement with men are doing so for recreational and casual sex; and for the short term status boosts and validation they receive from being sexually desired by high status men. At most, women are engaging in serial monogamy for STRs and LTRs, and not primarily seeking husbands. In other words, women are doing this for sex with the most attractive men they can find because it's fun, and because it affirms and validates their (short term) value. For the women engaged in the "hookup" scene, securing commitment and investment from one man for life are decidedly secondary concerns.</p>
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